So, with the snowy weather where I am, the usual before-work-chatter about road conditions abounds. One of my friends mentions his car getting all kinds of sideways turning through some intersections, fine. But then he gets to the "...and since my car's rear-wheel-drive—" Wait, I interrupt, you mean the Sunfire?

"Yeah, that..."


Your car is front-wheel-drive. I tell him this.

"No, I'm pretty sure it's rear..." Asshole, I will give you $1,000 to find me a driveshaft that goes from the engine to the rear wheels on that car. Then he remarks that maybe he felt the wheels spinning because his front tires are bald.


Because I lack any sort of tact, I laugh my ass off. I take jabs throughout the day—"Hey, we should go drifting later in your Sunfire."

"When the clutch goes out on your car, are you gonna replace it yourself?" "It's an automatic, douche." "You sure?"

"What do you do when you replace the spark plugs in your engine—do you just throw the extra two away?"


"One more: your car's pretty efficient on fuel—how much diesel do you go through in a week?"

I'm going to hell. Fortunately, he's a friend of mine, and we were both grinning about it over the course of the day. I formally apologize to the world for being a dick, and I'll buy him a beer as recompense for being a good sport about it. But this was an example of how I am unable to keep my mouth shut.