Photo credit: Matt Rhoads

A while ago, I noticed a tiny, quiet squeak. A faint eek-eek-eek-eek as I drove along. No one else heard it except for me—until now.

I recently took the car to have the rear brake pads swapped and the whole hydraulic system bled to alleviate some squishiness in my pedal. Sure, that’s all stuff I could do at home, but it’s been hovering around the triple-digits outside and more humid than most summers I can remember, so brake work is a whole lot of Heckin’ Nope. I will eat the cheesiest of boxed dinners at home to pay someone else to sweat that out.

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My brake pedal returned to its normal, wonderful, uniquely oh-so-satisfying unsquishiness, but I got something better when they returned my car.

“It sounds like you might have a little bearing noise when it’s rolling.”

HARK! What is this? I am right? I’m not crazy or imagining weird squeak-noises? Someone else heard my mystery squeak?!?!!!

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Problem is, they’re probably right. The Lulzcer felt like it was wandering all over the place over the course of a 5-hour drive, and I wasn’t sure if that was because I was exhausted or what. The wheel seemed to shake a little like it did when the 944's wheel bearing went out.

It’s probably time.

Which is probably expensive.

Drat.

I even jiggled the wheels a little once I’d reached my destination and sure enough, I felt a little side-to-side play. It’s possible that this could also be from being sleepy and imagining things, but that seems less possible. Either way, not good.

This means that I have (in a way) actually driven the wheel off of my car. But more importantly: I’M NOT MAKING UP NOISES!!! The sound! The sound exists! It’s not just me! It is a real sound that emits high-pitched squeaking into your eardrums!

IT’S REAL!!! Eat it, Sasquatch. You, mystery woodland monster-creature, are less real than my mystery squeak (which has grown irritatingly louder over time). Pffffttttt.