This is a tale of buyers remorse. What started as lighthearted purchase has quickly degraded into a horrible decision that I regret ever bit of. Reading through Oppo is like salt in the wound, constantly finding more and more things that are lacking in my stupid Corvette. I don't want to suffer alone here, so I thought I'd share the things the make me regret ever buying this stupid piece of shit.


1. The Keys

I bought this car because I wanted to make a statement. I wanted everybody to know I have a Corvette and goddamnit, I'm doing pretty well in life. But no, GM once again just walked over to the god damn part bin and gave me another piece of plastic crap.


2. Gas Mileage

There's only two types of fuel economy from this car: Horrible and Amazing.

If you want to drive enthusiastically or have any sort of fun in it, the mileage turns to shit (11-15 instant mpg) Thanks a lot V8 motor, some of us actually care about how we spend our dollars. I'd prefer not to give all of it to big oil corporations who will just tuck it away in the Cayman Islands for taxing.

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And then, as some sort of backhanded apology, if you drive the car nicely or on highway journeys, it gets crazy mileage (32-35 highway MPG) The point of my sports car isn't to get better mileage than my Scion xB. If I wanted a more fuel efficient car, I would've bought a Chevy Volt, not a Corvette. Driving this car on the highway makes my xB purchase seem pointless. Thanks GM.


3. Ungodly GM Quality

I bought this car coming from my incredible S2000 thinking, "The Corvette was a more expensive car in it's time. Surely everything is better." How unbelievably wrong could I be. Every single goddamn piece of this interior was lifted from some other piece-of-crap mid-sized family hauler.

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That radio? Silverado Those climate controls? Tahoe The turn signal stalk? Saturn The On-Board Computer? Buick LeSabre. The shifter throw? Probably a 3500 Silverado. On a flagship performance car, you think they'd at least give some care about where you spend your time, but no. Nothing actually squeaks or rattles at all, it's very quiet, but just knowing that they skimped upsets me. It definitely doesn't feel like a car worth the four figures I paid for it.

Sure it's a sports car, performance blah blah, but it's not worth having to spend any more time in that horrible shitbox Fisher-Price interior.


4. Turn Signal Stalks

I know this kind of relates to the previous point but here me out. I used to own a E46 BMW. That car had proper turgid German stalks. You could push those down and they made a proper 'tok' noise. You can pick up an E46 for roughly $4,000 now and was BMW's entry level car. The Corvette on the other hand, is supposed to be the prestigious high-performance car has the same interior components are as $1,500 Cavalier. You push the stalk down in this Corvette and it makes a 'whack' sound that could only be described as "fly swatter hitting a child's slide" It soul-crushing every time I use them.


5. It's too reliable

As a car guy, you buy a car not just for transportation, but as for something to enjoy, through sickness and health. You buy a car as a companion to run with the good times and to nurse through the bad. Wrenching is the American gearhead's favorite past-time, and the Corvette has robbed me of that.

Since I have purchase the car, not one thing has broken: No blown out tires, no spun bearings, no blown turbos, not even a check engine light.

This may sound like the epitome of a first-world privileged-white-male problem, but it's not, trust me. You love a car not only for it's quality and materials, but for it's quirks and characteristics, and the Corvette has none. It's just a machine that works. Any time I drive it, it takes me wherever and back; There's no sense of adventure or excitement that break downs or possible failure give.

At least an old Audi makes you feel something.


6. Plastic Body

Top Gear said it best, "This is the stuff newsreaders are made out of." It's fiberglass: Plastic and flimsy. The rear flexes if you push it and it'll crack if I'm in a crash. None of the rest of the car bows if I push it, but knowing the back does is enough for me to doubt my safety. After watching a crash video, I saw the car fared well, but I'm not totally convinced. I still think it's unsafe.


7. Nobody Notices Me

The whole damn point of buying a flagship sports car is to be noticed. I bought this car thinking people will look at me and be amazed. Nope. Here in the midwest, there's apparently a Corvette on every block and, this is no joke, 18 Corvettes in the square mile I live in.

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I show up to any car show and theres 25 more of them. I'm with a girl and she sees it, she doesn't car because her dad has one. Some people who see me in it ask if it's my dad's car. I might as well just buy a Lexus IS250 if I wanted to get zero attention. It's useless.


8. Soft Touch Plastics

There are none. It's like they didn't care about the person in the drivers seat at all. A real driving enthusiasts actually cares about what his car's interior is made of. Did they not think I could tell?

It seriously spoils the whole driving experience knowings that isn't there.


9. Cargo Space

This kind of ties back to my 'no faults' argument, but it's worth mentioning. GM etched out every bit of cargo space they could in this car, and it doesn't make any sense with the core of what a Corvette should be. This car is supposed to be about sporty performance, not practicality.

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However, I went to grab groceries in it recently. I came out and put some of my bags in the two cubby holes pictured on the lower left and ride sides. Before realizing, all of my groceries fit in those two cubbies. Milk, bread, chicken, burgers, hot dogs, fruit, rice and chips. And there was still the entirety of the trunk worth of room left.

You buy a sports car because you want to make a bold statement that you care about performance over practicality and Chevy is so used to making crappy Tahoes and Malibus that it forgot the identity of what a Corvette is. I want to experience sports car problems, but the Corvette has none to offer.


Honestly, I don't know what to do with this car. I want something that has some flaw and class to it, and the Corvette has none of it to offer. It's fast, yes, but it's not worth having to deal with the terrible turn signal stalk and the Fisher-Price interior.

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The Americans simply can't build a car as well as the Europeans it turns out. It drives great, but the little things ruin the car. I don't want to live with a car where they swap from the parts bin. Car & Driver can say what they want about it's amazing performance and handling, but the full driving experience includes soft-touch plastics, and the Corvette simply doesn't cut the mustard. I'm done with it.