Independent car mechanic shops nationwide have recently expanded their training repertoire to include numerous non-vehicular disciplines. From studying military organizational skills to following self-help and motivational speakers, mechanics are “thinking outside the box” and finding new ways to streamline their operations and provide better customer service in the face of increased competition from large dealership service centers.

Lift, do you even lift?

Among all their studies, however, one particular discipline has found more adherents than any other: Crossfit.

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“We looked at customer retention rates, revenue per person, and longevity of business – what appeared at first to be an overpriced fitness fad has proven to last far longer than anyone expected. In fact, it’s still growing,” claims business coach Rick Frowning.

Mechanics naturally couldn’t adopt the exact methods of California fitness guru Greg Goldstein, but Goldstein nonetheless created a special $2,500 seminar tailored to car mechanics. Upon completion of the four-hour training session, mechanic shops would be allowed to use the CrossFix™ name on their building by paying just a $7,500 annual licensing fee.

“We know this certification will increase these mechanics’ modal domain capacitation by over 71% based on our estimates. By leveraging our numerous studies on kinesthetic automotive myofascial techniques, we know this approach will only result in success because of science reasons,” Goldstein was quoted as saying Wednesday. When asked whether he knew enough about vehicle operations to offer such advice, Goldstein simply replied, “The proof is in the paleo pudding. Conversation over.”

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Some mechanics are skeptical of the new system, including seminar attendee Jim Cooper of Cooper & Sons Auto Docs in Hendersonville, North Carolina. “My daddy and granddaddy fixed cars for decades without any real problems. I know new cars are a lot fancier, but the fundamentals haven’t really changed. I don’t see why we should do this CrossFix stuff, but I’m willing to give it a shot for a few months.” (Editor’s Note: CrossFix fine print requires a minimum five-year commitment from any shop using its methods and name.)

CrossFix focuses on what they call the Five Tenets of Fixabilitation:

  • Cars all need the same thing, regardless of age, size, or problems
  • Oil should be non-synthetic and all-natural
  • All trips should result in full mechanical failure or be done as fast as possible in 20 minutes
  • Repairs must only be completed in batches (5:30and 6:00am; noon; and 5:30 and 6:00pm)
  • All shops and customers must post a minimum of three social media status updates per day

Jim Cooper’s shop is already starting to show signs of transformation, from using loud electronic music to featuring bright, inspirational graphics painted on the wall. Customer response has been generally positive, although many of them report an increase in problems with wear & tear on their ball joints.

Jim Cooper’s shop no longer charges for tire disposal.

“I’m not sure if this will be good in the long run, since I’m already losing longtime customers,” Mr. Cooper complained. “But I’m gaining a newer, younger crowd to make up for them. We even replaced the coffee in the customer waiting area with Kool-Aid. I’m not sure who’s going to drink that stuff, but I’m sure we’ll get used to it eventually.”