Sometimes I find it hard to reconcile how shitty I’ve been to people.
I pride myself on largely being very nice to people. I’m the sort of person who will sabotage themselves for the sake of other people. But it’s something that comes with age. Largely, I reserve my assholeness to defend other people—and I can be a really nasty mother fucker—but generally I find that life is easier if you treat people well. Making friends is just generally better than making enemies.
But that’s somewhat slow coming, and I did a lot of nasty things that I can’t make amends for. I think largely the guilt over those things made me a better person, but that doesn’t necessarily make things better.
Forget the dead you’ve left, they will not follow you.