As a father, the least I can give to my family is a codified want list to celebrate me...as a father. Thankfully, this year my task of endlessly scouring skymall/hammacher schlemmer/bulk underwear outlet is no longer necessary as the onion has provided the penultimate fathers day gift guide. Any one of these well thought through and affordable gifts will guarantee the feigned smile of gratitude for a noble attempt to adequately celebrate what is the most important holiday of the year.*

*Obviously hyperbole, just trying out my onion writing style. True story? I hope my family gets me nothing for fathers day. I just enjoy being a dad...its actually pretty great. Plus I think mothers day and fathers day feel arbitrary and artificial. I’ll just show you I appreciate you in my own time and way.