Why ever would you want to own a Unimog?

Do you have some big rocks you need to climb over in order to drop the kids off at school?

Have to ford a mud pit on your way to the office?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may live in Russia. Or maybe you DO need a Unimog.

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Before you run out to your local Mercedes-Benz dealer an pick one up, let me clear up a few misconceptions about the Mog.

1) The Mog is not fast. This may shock you. You may think that just because it is painted flat black and has no doors that it is quick. This is not the case. I once got my Unimog up to about 45 mph and it FELT fast. Kind of like when you were a kid and you were on your drunk Uncle Carl's shoulders and he would run around wobbling side to side and it FELT fast because you were SCARED. It's fast like that.

2) The Mog is not stealth. There is no way around it. Driving this thing is like being in a one man parade. Or a one man/one woman parade. Or a one man/one woman and a dog parade, depending on who you have with you. Regardless, people wave. They get up off of the couch, put down their beer and come to the door and wave at you like you were some conquering invader or the pope. It's pretty nice, but it's not sneaky. Maybe I should attach an exhaust.

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3)The Mog is not cheap or easy to repair. Sure, it was designed in the 1950's to be repaired on the side of the road by a farmer with nothing but rocks and sticks, but you know what? I'm not a farmer in the 1950's. I don't have rocks and sticks. Well, I do, but they aren't GERMAN rocks and sticks, so I have to order GERMAN rocks and sticks form a (very nice) guy in Oregon to fix anything. And then your "buddy" says "oh, I can fix that carb" and then he runs off to Kentucky to do meth and you have no carb. So look out for that.

Besides that, though, it is a wonder and a joy to own and drive on very rare occasions.


Also, it makes a great DJ booth.