I figured it all out. Hear me out...

The GOP has been complaining about the “War On Christmas” for years now. This “War” is secretly funded by Big Coal. Santa is arguably the largest single user of coal on the planet. If Christmas is destroyed, the coal industry will collapse.


Just as retail stores depend on “Black Friday” to guarantee they profit (be in the black) each year, Big Coal depends on Santa’s yearly coal purchase to keep them in the black. Fearing a loss of the “War On Christmas”, the GOP is now claiming a “War On Coal” in a last ditch effort to keep the industry afloat. With dwindling profits, Big Coal can no longer afford to fund their proxy war, the “War On Christmas”.

It all makes perfect sense! We must destroy Christmas to save the planet!