It’s for the best. If he doesn’t fire me, I’m putting in my two weeks.

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This afternoon, I went to a house to install their cable and I just had a horrible anxiety attack. I got so weak and shaky that I dropped my ladder against the van a few times before just laying it on the ground. Them I spent 15 minutes in the van trying to calm down, but it wasn’t working. I just have a lot of issues that I didn’t realize would get in the way like this, but apparently they did.

I ended up asking the customer to reschedule and I drove myself home an hour early. My supervisor called me after I got there and he was really mad at me. He said he wanted to see me in the morning and then just hung up.

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I wish that mental disorders were treated the same as other ones. I am professionally diagnosed with anxiety and having an attack like that is really not much different than, say, a diabetic seizure. The only difference is it’s not considered a “real” disability and I have to take full responsibility for it screwing up my work.

But regardless of anything, it was definitely triggered by the stress of this job. I was hoping to stay with it until I found something new, but it’s just not healthy for me.

Wish me luck tomorrow.