If the first gen Mercury Mariner was a store, it would be Sears.

If it was a beverage, it would be Crystal Light.

If it was a TV show, it would be Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

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The absolute last word in mid-2000s malaise. The same way a final gen J-Body is 90s malaise, or how a Dodge 600 is 80s malaise, you get my point.

And I commend it for that. You do you, Mercury Mariner, don’t let anybody st-

Oh, wait, yeah.