My Ducati lives!
Even though she stopped running during the early stages of winter, I finally had time to rewire the fuel pump on my Monster (Chemical Engineering curriculum is no easy day) and get her running again. Massive thanks go out to the avionics guru who helped with the electrical voodoo.
Pro tip: If you completely drain a fuel-injected bike, it will likely be necessary to run a jumper wire from the battery to the pump in order to prime the entire system with enough fuel to start.
Also, Harley-Davidson fuel injectors work on Monsters (which led to an interesting conversation at the local HD parts counter), as does a Mustang fuel pump.
Shenanigans may or may not have been had, resulting in mud on my jeans and the need for a hose down.