It’s no surprise that since I started college 3 years ago, with my mostly sedentary lifestyle, I’ve gained 20lbs. My dad, a Type-2 diabetic, has steadily lost weight since he started some meatless UnAmerican diet of some witchcraft and brags about it. And has even poked fun at me for my weight gain. Not anymore.

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Today, I’m putting on my war face and I’m on a mission: to lose 20lbs in 6-8 weeks by any and all means necessary, to not only be much healthier, look even better than I do now, but to rub it in his face when I lose more weight than he does, muahahahahaha!!!!

He’s relit the atomic fire of war in me, and this time it shall not be quelled by anything other than victory.

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By Christmas time, I’m going to look better than anyone in my family ever has. Just you watch. I’ll be as sexy as any Hollywood actor who ever lived and forever. Nothing will stop me this time or ever.