So, as I sit here feeling sorry for myself, in a better situation than 90% of human beings on earth, I can’t help but feel conflicted. I am a graduate student, on free tuition that I am likely going to lose (because I don’t study enough) however, grade wise I am realistically doing just fine (consistent B student) I have gotten this far on natural ability alone. (thanks mom, dad, and the gene pool) I really don’t study much, just pay attention in class.
I can’t bring myself to do stupid, easy things. It’s not as if I procrastinate. I stare at my screen wasting time on the internet, until it is close to midnight, and fire out what I need to do at 3 AM. I have absolutely no idea why. Well, some idea, I just don’t really give a shit. If I really wanted to procrastinate, there is other, better things I could be doing, like playing videogames, or reading. Instead I stare blankly at a screen for hours.
I could easily get my life together at any time, but find myself unable to take that small step. I don’t know why.
I really don’t know what I am doing. I am not depressed, just unmotivated as shit. I am doing what I am doing right now because I want to be able to afford nice cars someday. And TBH that is not a really great reason. I can’t say I would find other work more fulfilling (I don’t really like people that much) so it is not as if I can do much else.
Not sure where I was going with this, Sorry for whining. Have a morgan for your time.