Last night, my friend brought over a can of Colt 45 Pile Driver. We gave it a try, for science.

(Full disclosure: Pabst Brewing Company wanted me to try their flavored Colt 45 so bad, my friend received it for free. From one of his customers. I don’t know the details. I was already drinking.)

I will break this beverage down into five categories: Appearance, Smell, Flavor, Mouthfeel, and Value. 5 points for each category for a max score of 25. Let’s dive right in.

Appearance : It looks like carbonated tang. Bright orange, very little head, lots of bubbles. I actually like the artwork on the can. It balances the old style of a Colt 45 tallboy with a bit of new color. - 3/5

Smell : After pouring into a pint glass, the beverage assaults your nose with a violent inrush of artificial orange and malt. I do like citrus so I’ll give it a point. - 1/5

Flavor : The most important detail of a food or drink item. I had no idea what to expect, honestly. Well, except orange flavor. After looking at the drink in a glass and smelling it, I knew it would taste like orange. I just didn’t know how strong the orange flavor would be. In one (hyphenated) word: Over-powering. It tasted like the orange “beverage” sold in recycled milk jugs at grocery stores across the Midwest. I think Prairie Farms makes a variety. After you got past the initial shock of sugary orange flavor, you could definitely tell it was a malt beverage. Reminded me of Sparks or Four Loko. Depending on what you were after, it wasn’t toooo bad. Just very sugary and artificial. It was sweet enough you could mix it with bottom of the shelf, plastic bottled vodka and not notice. I love sweat desserts and other food, but I generally stay away from sugary beverages (balance, right?). I could only drink about a half pint of this before I threw in the towel. But, if you were wanting an alcoholic orange drank, this might be up your alley. - 2/5

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Mouthfeel : It was pretty thick and syrupy with a ton of bubbles. It coated my entire mouth/lips with sugar worse than any drink I’ve had in the last 5 years. I licked my lips about 10 minutes after I stopped drinking and could still taste sugar. 0/5

Value : I think it retails around $3-4 for a tall can. The Pile Driver is under 6% ABV. For this amount of coin, I can think of better ways to get drunk. A not horrible fifth of vodka is around $1 a shot. I would rather have 4 shots or a mixed drink. However, if you want to assault your taste buds with sugary orangeness while getting buzzed, I can’t think of a better product. - -1/5

Overall : 7/25 (1.4/5)

Current rating on Beer Advocate: 1.38/5

Would Not Recommend.