This morning while participating in the wonderful, almost daily, ritual that is opposite side parking in NYC I had quite a time.

I got in my car around 8:35, I live in a 8:30 to 10 zone which is the not fun, and went on my way to my local coffee shop, Joes coffee. I double parked outside, kept my car idling to warm her up and walked in and waited, the line was unusually long for a Monday morning. Got my coffee and walked out to find myself blocked in by a massive delivery truck. They make the rounds to a grocery store nearby every day. That was not so bad because I just had to wait outside and wait for the fella with the truck to move and he did.

With him out of the way I could continue on my journey back around the corner to park in front of my house and wait until about 9:30 to move the car back to the other side. Some people will double park on the opposite side and leave their car until people start moving but that almost never works and they don't really get spots. While in front of my house I tried to position myself so when the great exodus to the other side occurs I could pull into a spot directly I front of my house. This can be tricky as a live next to a fire hydrant and sometimes people don't always pull as much as I'd like.


As 9:30 approached it is always amusing so sit back and see who starts the move first. I am never the one to do it. Usually a sanitation worker in a Ford Focus, the new one, comes around to look at the street and see if its worthy of a sweep, this did not happen today. As their was a big snow storm over the weekend here in NYC I imagine the sanitation department wanted to clean all the streets. I didn't not think the cleaner was going to come since I did not see the telltale sign that is a sanitation car.

At around 9:30 people started to move their cars across the way. My car was off and the event caught me off guard, I was jamming to some Christmas carols on 106.7. I saw the cars moving and I scrambled to start my car but my car was like "woah buddy hold up there, wait for the noise to stop and that glow light to turn off". Before I could set off I had to let the glow plugs warm up, it takes a solid 7 seconds on these colder days.

With the glow plugs warmed up and ready to go I turned her over and all five cylinders set off into their lobey, off kilter river boat noise. I was thankful she started because sometimes she wont when I have had the radio on. Slammed her into D and made my way across the street. Unsurprisingly the cars in front of me did not move up as much as I thought and that left my car smack dab in front of a big red hydrant. Well shit.


I weasled myself back out into the street and gave her the beans. Pulled up to another spot and backed her in. A man in a Lexus proceeded to honk at me in a obnoxious manner. Obviously it was a kind gesture that I was within five feet of his new Lexus and I should not get any closer. Well, this is NYC, and that is a parking space, so if my car fits its gonna go in their. I finally got into my space and the guy behind me at this point hated me. He was rearranging his car in his space while I was straightening myself up. So it was a stop n go n honk situation with him doing the honking.

With my car firmly wedged into the space, my worst nightmare happened. Just as I though I was home free, In my rear view mirror I saw all the vehicle at the other end of the street begin to move back to the other side, the side where we came from. I was thinking "oh come on, a street cleaner." This was no ordinary street cleaner though and it was not one vehicle but three! It was two beastly street cleaners with snow plows on the front and a Sanitation truck in between them. They came tumbling down the street, barely slowing for motorists still on this side of the crown.

The nice man behind me in his pearl-white Lexus immediately ran for the hills and flew across to the other side. While he was exuberantly leaving his spot I had no hope of leaving since if I move I would surely be hit by him. My car would be fine, but his car, well, It would probably be missing a bumper as mine are unforgiving beasts. I finally got to the other side in a safe manner and the man behind me was still honking whenever I touched the throttle.

Back on the other side, where I started this morning at 9am, the street cleaner came by. The first cleaner came very close to my car, and the Sanitation vehicle cruised by nonchalantly, he was in a skinny by comparison Ford Escape. The next snow plow came in very close, so close in fact I got very worried. I was certain he would take off my bumper as mine stick out in front as well as the sides. Contact came earlier than I anticipated and I was certain the worst had happened. I honk furiously at the street cleaner and he came to a halt and turned towards the curb and went on the way. I'm sure they hit cars all the time. I had to wait to see the damage since I still had to park the car back onto the correct side of the street.

I drove back across the street and the incessant man behind continued to abuse his horn privileges. I backed into my spot still very concerned about my car and got out to inspect the damage. I looked around and saw nothing. I was sure that the thing hit me because the whole vehicle shifted as he came by. Upon further inspection I figured out how lucky I was, my wheel was turned in and the cleaner only made contact with the tire. Tremendously relieved I got back into my car and waited for another 15 minutes until I could go home.

At around 9:45 a man came around and asked me to move back a touch so he could fit in. I was concerned about it since I did not want him to get a ticket and we were close to a fire hydrant. So I walked to the hydrant, counted 15 feet from it, and drew a line in the snow. I told him he needed to be behind this line. I started to back up, I had a solid 5 feet behind me, and I got about 3 feet within the Lexus and like clockwork. He honked. So I began going very slowly as not to upset the guy and I stopped with about 1 foot left, a very generous amount by NYC standards. The guy in front got into a legal space about 17 feet from the hydrant. He was very nice and thankful so that made me happy.


I started to walk home, I got in the house and my dad said he wanted to go Home Depot. I was like FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

So that was fun!