In the constant gag-reel that is my life, I’ve had some very strange experiences. Some have even been rather scary. One of which was the time years ago in Conroe, TX. Having just moved to Houston from Las Vegas for a job, I was trying to get acclimated to things with my second new job. I say second because the first one that I had moved to Houston for fell through when the company folded into bankruptcy less than 2 weeks after my arrival. Anyhow... Being out of state, and even having 1 vehicle that did not have license plates, I found myself one night pulled over on Walden Road by a Montgomery County Sheriffs deputy who happens to look a whole helluva lot like Senior Sgt. David Wallace. A man by the way who not only lost his job as the result of an internal affairs investigation, but was even tried and convicted of forging traffic tickets and even participating in a ticket quota to rack up overtime.

After asking me for my drivers license and registration, and the deputy running everything on me, our exchange suddenly took a rather ominous turn. I figured that it was because I had forgotten to put my new Texas insurance paperwork I received yesterday into the glovebox. The deputy told me that I was in violation of Texas law because I had not yet acquired a Texas drivers license, nor gotten my vehicles registered, let alone had proof of insurance.. That it was going to be some pretty significant fines, and that he could even impound my cars. I say that I do have proof of insurance, but it’s in the condo. He tells me that isn’t acceptable, because it’s not like I can just go home and grab paperwork the same way as if we were on the highway. Fair enough But he then tells me that he knows how long I’ve been in town, because he’s been watching me, and knows what time I come home at night...

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Now, it’s bad enough that I’m dealing with some Buford T. Justice type, and I know my rights and what not, so I still feel pretty confident that I can hold my own. But now? I’m very uncomfortable about this situation to know that I’m being stalked. I don’t care who you are, that’s creepy. Made worse by the fact that it’s a law enforcement officer who has you under surveillance. My poker face cracked and I suddenly had a tell. He saw it, and tried to move in for the kill.

He restated again that he could have all of my cars impounded, that it would be hard to pay all those high fines for my tickets and even to get my cars back if I couldn’t make it to work.

We enter into an uncomfortable silence.

He breaks it with a completely left-field question of how much I wanted for the DeLorean. I was driving the Jeep. The DeLorean was parked. I cocked my head and stared at him. “I know that’s your car. Remember, I’ve been watching you for a while now. And you can’t go running home or call momma to help you out on this...” his voice trailed off with smug authority.

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Now I’ve been in bad situations before. I’ve been in road rage incidents where people have pounded on my window, and even pulled a gun on me. But those are fight or flight situations with survival options. You don’t have any such luxury with the police. It’s solely victim-mode to prepare yourself for whatever abuse you’re about to endure, because if you fight it, it’ll just become worse. Dealing with a bad cop is akin to just standing in the middle of the road in traffic and hoping that the car coming your way stops before you get hurt by it, because if you run it’s going to be worse when a bigger vehicle hits you in those other lanes. Because those other vehicles are tasers, dogs, and guns, and they leave pretty bad injuries in the form of convictions that you’ll never recover from.

Nobody, but nobody though fucks with my car. I snap back to reality and tell him that it’s not for sale. He tells me, “I didn’t ask if it was for sale. I want to know how much you want for it.” He is now pissed. Tells me that he doesn’t think that I appreciate the situation here. That he could just impound my vehicles. Again, I say that it is not for sale, because fuck it. I’ll take the loss on the other two vehicles I have in order to save the DeLorean. Jeeps and Explorers are always for sale, but you don’t come across DeLoreans every day. He then fires back with a threat that he could just impound ALL of my cars now, and that I’d never get anything for any of them. Or, I could just sell the DeLorean, use the cash to pay the registration on the other vehicles, and even have money left over. I tell him that the DeLorean is not for sale, that it’s never even driven on Texas roads, and is parked on private property.

The deputy is now pissed. His confident face cracks and gives away his tell.

Before he can say anything, a dispatcher crackles through the radio on his radio. Angry, he barks back into it, hands my bad my paperwork and tells me that we WILL talk about this again. Then he gets back into his car and drives off.

The next morning I leave for work, but I don’t come home. Instead I move in with my then girlfriend (who is now my wife). We borrow my future father-in-law’s truck and a trailer and drive up before this cop’s shift starts to load the DeLorean and relocate it to a safe place down in Harris County. I also come up later with a moving van to get the rest of my stuff, and move out the vehicles in the late morning hours as well.

I can’t say for 100% certainty that Senior Sgt. David Wallace is the very same deputy that I had the run-in with that night. It was dark and his physical build is different than I remember from 10 years prior.

But I’ll be damned if the face doesn’t look the same, and hearing the recording of his voice took me right back to that night. I really hope it is though, because that means this is a single, rogue cop. If not, then that means that the Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office is rife with corruption and evil people that are out to harm the very people they have sworn to protect. They have at least a decade of possible wrongdoing by this man, and who knows what else. Worse yet, who know who else has been doing these things as well.