[I’m opening the doors for any veteran commenters (only) from Gawker and Jezebel so they can take shelter here or be redirected to Powder Room for the time being. While the mods will have to deliberate about whether they’ll give you authorship, the rest of our lot shall willingly star your comments here. The original post follows, with addendum.]

Univision, Our New Overlords, understand that The Kinjaverse still needs a solid user base. We, Members Of The Kinja Commenting Union, are that solid user base.

Advertisement

If people panic then leave, we’re not gonna be a good business case, and they really will aggressively go for new users because The Kinjaverse has to build up a new core.

So I implore everybody to

STAND YOUR GROUND; HOLD THIS FORT; DEFEND THIS LAND UNTIL THE LAST KEYSTROKE; FOR WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN MAKE IT STRONG.

We’re the ones who will rake in new users and retain them. We’re the ones who will oversee their commenting, their takes, their references. We’re the ones who will help them with their problems. We’re the ones who will teach the Way Of The True Shitpost. We’re the ones who will turn filthy tadpoles into decent frogs.

Advertisement

We’re the ones who will serve as the shining monument for every car community site.

We have to stay.

All those who left will have to come back and stay.

THAT’S AN ORDER.