I don’t have any photos of my old pickup handy and I don’t want to use any copyright images from the internet so have this hastily drawn MS Paint interpretation of my pickup (sans grill guard).

I don’t know if you knew this, but I’m part of a pretty exclusive club. It’s so exclusive that I was able to join even though I don’t drive my pickup anymore.

Chevy Truck Legends is probably the worst kept secret in the industry. OK, so maybe you haven’t heard about it. And it’s not secret. And joining is unnecessarily complicated because you can’t have just anybody receiving free swag from Chevrolet. It’s basically Facebook/DriveTribe/Grindr for Chevy Bro Truck Enthusiasts.

To join, you must own a Chevy Truck(tm) with at least 100,000 miles. Chevrolet wants to know your truck’s story. How many mountains have you climbed? How many mud bogs have you bogged? How many times have you had the transmission rebuilt?

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I put nearly all 225,000 miles on “my” 2001 Silverado when I turned it back over to my parents with a worn out transmission and (apparently) an oil leak. It was time for me to move on to something that wasn’t a fuel-thirsty ticking time bomb and they didn’t want to sell it/trade it in so they kept it.

I easily qualified for Chevy Bro Truck Legends Grindr Tribe, but after handing over a mailing address, phone number, email address, bank account info and credit score (Chevrolet reserves the right to contact you about new special offers!), they still wanted the VIN number for... reasons?

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After a quick text to pops, I plugged the VIN number in and BOOM! Chevy is sending me an exclusive ballcap and decal! I am a real deal Chevy Truck Legend, gents! It’s as good as Skull and Bones, but without the murder. Or the racism (maybe?).

They’ll also be sending me a few mailers about this month’s great offer for well-qualified buyers and a few emails and potentially a phone call or two and have you heard about this month’s lease special?

Will update on the quality of the ballcap and decal when I receive them in 6-8 weeks. In the meantime, I qualify for a 15% discount on items available at Chevy Gear USA — already cheap shit that dealers throw in for especially angry customers. I just have to use my way-too-obvious promo code.