“Convertibles that parked next to me while I was pumpin’ iron” edition.

On the far end, we’ve got a drop top Audi V10 R8 that—if I’m being quite frank—is really starting to show it’s age. Just a bit trashy for my tastes. While it does admittedly have a lot of cylinders, I have it on good authority that they’re mostly for show. These Volkswagen hand-me-downs are squeezing out about 150hp at the wheels, and that may even be a bit generous. Between the 571 stone weight and the paltry 8953 imperial teaspoons of fuel capacity, the only question is what you’ll run out of sooner; gas, or money for repairs.

Moving on... if you swap out your telephoto eye lenses for your macro (it’s hard being this clever), you’ll see what appears to be a Ferd Moostang. While I know you instinctively want to look away, I have to ask you to be strong, and give it your full attention, if only for a moment. This particular specimen carries no less than 8 emblems on the exterior, and was actually the very first production car that came stock with clouded headlights! Furthermore, if you zoom in to the top of the A pillar you’ll see that either the soft top isn’t fully attached or the build quality is equivalent to a MEGA BLOKS knock-off.

Now our middle choice needs no introduction. Of all the 2 seat convertibles with pop-up headlights and a 1.8 liter engine, the Miata is the best selling. Of all the cars with taillights inducted in France’s prestigious “top 100 designs” list, the Miata is the fastest. Of all the cars built from 1989 to 2017 with the possibility of speccing leather seats, headrest speakers, manual windows and manual locks on the same car at some point in their model history, the Miata is the sexiest. This is the Mazda Miata. A car like no other. And there is good reason the other convertibles flock to it’s radiant banner. They sense a leader, striding gloriously through seemingly endless seas of beige mediocrity. Do not fear, for the Miata is here