I’ve got my truck advertised for sale or trade on Craigslist, and the responses more than anything has made me decide to keep it. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about.

No, the other day I got an email from a guy who was offering me a fast, clean, fun car.

I asked what it was.

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He said it was a 1996 Lincoln Continental.

In no corner of the multiverse is a 1996 Lincoln Continental a fast car. It wasn’t fast when it was new, it certainly isn’t 20 years later.

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Then today I got another email, he said he knew I wasn’t looking for a car that was going to put me to sleep (I specified I wanted something like a Civic Si in the ad) so he has something fast and fun that would be perfect for me.

Now I’m already annoyed because of the sheer number of people who say “hey, I have something you might be interested in” and make me ask what it is instead of just saying “I’ve got a 2003 Tahoe”, so I answered:

“The last guy to say something like that to me offered me a Lincoln Continental, which is basically a sofa bed on wheels...what have you got?”

I was not the least bit surprised when it turned out to be the same fucking guy offering me the same fucking Continental again.

I'll be the first to say that regular cars are fast now, but don't try to tell me a 1996 Continental is fast or sporty.