(...) So then I got home and I was still shaking....

No, wait.. Lets go back a bit.

It was around midnight last night, another one of those cold winter nights, and i had just dropped my older brother home after our weekly ritual, we would go have a brew and go over the week’s happenings, talk girls, sports and whatever else came up...

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…as i start going down the road we live in i think to myself that instead of going straight home i should go for a drive, look at the ocean a bit, take the scene in then head back and sleep.

Boy did i lie to myself.

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I took a left turn and headed downtown, no rush, was just listening to the songs playing in the radio and felt great... but as i approached the road by the bay the voices started again...

“the roads are empty right?”

“when did you go fast last”

“bet you can top your fastest speed”

i double clutch, tap the accelerator and shift down to third, then the same into second, the revs go up to about 5k and i know im going for it… I am at marginal and my intake noise loudly announces i mean business.

As I hit 5500rpm i feel the car become louder, pull harder, V-TEC has engaged and i quickly build speed, its a smooth transition from a left hander into a right hander and i start to grin, Christine remains composed as ever thanks to the harsh suspension, it all makes sense at that point…

The Recaros hug me tight as a lovers embrace after a long time away, and truly that is how it feels, im hitting 140km/h now and i feel like im at home, my grin is a full blown smile, my heart pounds inside my shirt, the light poles go by so fast its a single bright line in the night’s sky…

I love this.

Been at it for the last few nights, and its like meditation… at this point im not worried about my breakup, the economy, my job, life’s meaning or whatever, I become one with that piece of road and the night, my purpose is simply to push further, just go, faster, faster, keep pushing, as if maybe if i go harder enough i will outrun memories of her, the anxiety that comes from the economies state, my wishes of more recognition at work and the meaning to all of this is to just keep in motion.

I keep on going, the sea, the moon, they are just but witnesses to my performance...

I go on, until I feel my engine die a little, I look at the speedo and the needle is a tad below 180km/h, limiter reminds me i am just human tissue, inside engineered metal, going three times the speed limit, (w)reckless and so I let it stop me…

I want more though, that exhilarating feeling of freedom as I cut through wind at full throttle is our addiction, me and the voices, and so, i drop back to the speed limit, turn at the rundabout and head home...

I still had my hands on the wheel when I noticed that I was shaking…

I was shaking because I’d just scared myself again, i was just supposed to go for a leisurely drive but those damn voices had me go fast again, I have no self control.

When did I become this addicted to speed?

When did you become addicted to speed?