WARNING: VERY PERSONAL AND ONLY SLIGHTLY CAR RELATED. Have a P1 for those not interested.
I guess I will start off with the dream:
It was just a normal night. I was home watching TV on the couch. My phone dinged from a Facebook message. I looked to see what it was. It was from this girl Victoria (who I really like, but more on that later). She said, "Can I ask tell you something?" I quickly responded with, "Of course."
I then saw the dots saying she was writing something back.
"I like you."
"I really want to talk with you now if that'd be possible."
I asked her where she was so I could swing by and pick her up. I threw on a new shirt and some jeans and went out to my car.
(NOTE: This dream was really realistic which made it even more strange. I was on my real couch, watching a real show on our real tv. I went outside to my real car that was in my real driveway and so on…)
As I'm driving down the quiet side roads in my neighborhood, I am really excited. I choose not to show these feelings however. After a few minutes, I arrive at her house. I exit my car and walk up to the front door. She quickly opens it and steps outside. She is wearing this beautiful pink blouse with dark jeans and brown leather boots. She threw her arms around my neck and whispered "thank you" into my ear. Inside, my heart was melting.
We walk down the driveway to my car. I open the door for her. I then get in on my side and take off. I have my right hand resting on the gear selector. She puts hers right on top of mine. For the first time in forever, I am genuinely happy. I have a small smile on my face. I look over to see that she does too.
The roads were empty. The weather was gorgeous and the sun was just starting to set. All we did was talk. We drove for what seemed like hours around without a purpose. Never did we stop smiling or release hands.
Then I woke up.
Now, I first met Victoria about a year ago in my history class. We instantly hit it off and became really close. She told me everything. We always talked. I kind of asked her out, but never blatantly. Because of this, nothing ever happened. Then, she got a boyfriend. However, during this time, she still talked to me a lot.
About 6 months pass, they break up. I figured that this was my time. We begin talking a lot. She starts to walk around with me in school and joke with me a lot. One night we are talking and she asks me something.
"Can I ask you something? Its kind of personal."
"Sure" I responded. "You always can."
Inside, I thought she was going to ask if I liked her. I thought I was going to get what I was hoping for.
"Do you know a boy named ___?"
My heart sank. She was asking me about another boy that she liked. I was friend-zoned. The worst part was I was honest with her. I guess inside, there is a part of me that wants her to be happy no matter what. I just singing "Black" by Pearl Jam in my head.
"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky
But why, why, why can't it be, can't it be mine?"
I never did stop talking to her though. She did end up dating this guy she asked me about. I guess they still are. The other night, something brought it up, but I can't remember what. And she said that things were complicated. She explained that I'm not really sure if we still are together… it seems like I'm his girlfriend only when he wants to show off the fact that he isn't single. I asked if she still liked him. She said that she wasn't fully sure.
Then I had that dream above. What do I do? I honestly don't know. I think she likes me, and I sure as hell like her. What can I do now?
And I titled this post what I did because it makes me sad that I am still single lately. Even my friend who is a total dork just got a girlfriend. I'm one of my only friends who still is. And it bothers me because I hate seeing them so happy while I'm so miserable. I can't hang out with them without being a third wheel. They barely talk to me now (but thats for a different day). So, I don't know... just talk to me please Oppo!