I genuinely didn’t know the GX/LX were two different entities. I wish I still didn’t.

This is the Lexus GX:

This is the Lexus LX:

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Apart from some subtle (yes I know that word has no place when talking about a Lexus design) fascia differences and different taillights, they are nigh indistinguishable.

But I feel their differences are best summed up by their taglines. The GX’s tagline is: Unlimited possibilities. Uncompromising standards. Par for the course luxury stuff.

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But then the LX’s tagline is: Desire & Conquer. Friends, that is not a luxury tagline. That is the pull quote from an interview with a viking.

“I’m Thror Halffordsson with channel 6 news, here with Garsven Svensson after a legendary night of village-pillaging. Do you have anything to say to the viewers back home?”

*shifts mic*

“Desire & conquer!”

See.

Village-pillaging: NASTY

So, uhhh, GX. You know it’s not 1864 right? Mutton chops are OUT. They have been for 200 years. Mutton Chops; ya’ NASTY

And don’t think you get off easy, LX. I can’t figure out whether the main function of your grille is to provide cooling air to the engine or give a man the smoothest shave of his life. Lexus, the best a man can get.

Gillette-face: ya’ NASTY

And what’s wrong with your taillights, GX? They look like the bloodshot eyes of a drunk. They’re supposed to warn people of sudden stops, not your drinking problem. They’re supposed to say “I am slowing down now, best ease on the brakes” not “It’s only 11AM and I have already consumed an amount of alcohol most people would find reckless and inadvisable.”

And don’t you start laughing, LX! I see you with your parts bin Sienna lamps. Yeah, you should feel bad; you’re a disgrace. Also, ya’ NASTY

YA’ NASTY