I love my car, it’s my first car and it will be my last car; I will be buried in my car, and I won’t get crushed because I plan on installing a roll cage first. But, I never drive it, it’s a garage potato. It sits at one side of the garage with protective elements all over it and a battery tender always attached so it’s ready to go the moment I decide not to drive it.

Technically I only own one car, but in reality, I have two cars. One car, the car in question, is owned by me, honestly, the title is in my room with my name on it. The car I actually drive is owned by my mom; I drive it more than her, because I’m selfish, an ass, an enthusiast, and an Opponaut, but mostly because my mom works nights so I use it while she sleeps during the day.

For the curious among you, my car, the one I love but never drive, is a 2000 Mercedes C230 Kompressor Sport that is so not stock. Besides the typical custom stereo (which I didn’t install, just upgraded) I have lowered it with an Eibach Pro Kit and supplemented the springs with Bilstein B8 Sport Struts. I’ve also bought some KMAC eccentric polyurethane bushings to perfect the alignment, and while I’m busy dismantling the suspension I’m going to lower it a few more millimeters, courtesy of Mercedes customizable ride height system. To complete the handling package I have Michelin Pilot Super Sport tires, staggered of course. The tires alone really contributed to an increase in handling precision and reduced understeer quite a bit.

The other car in question, my mom’s, is a 2012 Volkswagen Golf TDI with a 6 speed. Modifications include only visual ones, which took forever to get my mom to agree to. They include black plasti-dipped wheels (a demonstration and temporary measure until I get them powerdercoated) and blue brake calipers topped off with blue lug caps. I’d also like to point out that my Mercedes has red brake calipers with red lug caps, see the correlation?

Some of you might be asking why I leave the sports car parked while I drive the FWD hatch every day, well, that excellent question can be answered in one word: efficiency, specifically fuel efficiency. The gas mileage for the Mercedes is, well, absolute shit, and it’s mostly because, for some reason, when I get into the car and start it up, my foot suddenly weighs a hundred pounds and I can’t lift it off the accelerator. I believe this condition is a direct side effect of the deleted the muffler, which I did at my cute friend’s behest. For those of you about to slap me for being “that asshole,” rest assured it’s not that loud. In fact, it’s quiet compared to many modern day sports cars, and when compared to the new Jaguar F-Type V8S, it’s a damn Prius in terms of noise levels.

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But back to why I make the totally sane decision to leave the Mercedes at home and drive the Golf instead. Besides the fuel efficiency, there’s also the wear and tear on the Mercedes I have to take into account. The Super Sports I mentioned are not what you’d call cheap, and they wear out very quickly, the rears give up at around 10,000 miles and I always replace my tires in sets of four, but I keep the front tires as spares. I also have quite a bit of work to do to the Mercedes to get it to level of perfection I want it at. You see, the car has some mileage on it, around 144,000, and things need to be replaced, and it’s stuff I expected so I don’t want to hear any quips about “German reliability” because I’ve never had a problem with the car.

But who am I kidding? All those things I just mentioned are things we enthusiasts have to live with, unless of course you talk your mom into buying the best daily driver a gearhead could ever hope for. The real reason I never drive the car was inadvertently discovered the other night after one sweet ass drive.

The other night, I decided to be lazy and not make dinner and instead pick up something, and since my mom is at work, that means I have to take my car out, oh darn. But, I didn’t just want to drive a few miles through town only to get stuck at every light and just get irritated, so I’d have to take a road less traveled, and a good one at that, and it just so happens Ventura has quite a few surrounding the city. I hate going on pointless drives, so I had to make an excuse to drive down to one end of town and pick up the road less traveled and follow it to the other side of town, so that’s just what I did.

At first it seemed like my epic drive was over before it even got started. The road in question is a two lane road on the edge of town and in the foothills, so if you get stuck behind someone you’re usually screwed, and that’s what happened to me: I got stuck behind a Prius. As luck would have it tough there was a break in the double yellow and no oncoming traffic, “Hello kick-down switch, have you met the accelerator lately?” and I was off, only to get stuck behind a box van (which was going a lot faster than the Prius, a surprise to you all I’m sure.) But the driving Gods were on my side that night and he soon turned off; I went into manual mode and held third gear for the next few miles of twisties, and holy shit it was fun; I missed driving my Mercedes. After a few more miles someone else was in front of me, but again, I was smiled upon and they too turned off, and I was off into the night at stupid high speeds. The drive ended on a high note because I got to enjoy the last few miles without any traffic or police raining on my parade, and I got re-acquainted with my car and its excellent handling and top-notch exhaust note.

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So you see, the real reason I don’t drive my car is not for monetary reasons, but to make the times I do drive it that much sweeter, and I think the drive last night was the most epic one yet. That may sound kind of sad, but then not so much when you consider I never go on pointless drives, and seeing as how most great driving roads are kind of pointless, especially in the face of today’s highway system, they’re kind of hard to justify. After the other night though, I think I’ll try and find some spectacularly crappy reasons so that I can go on more epic drives and top the other night, which shouldn’t be hard considering I live in Southern California and the particular area I’m in is filled to the brim with great roads.

Thanks for reading, I hope it was enjoyable and you’ll come back soon.