Dear Totally Jealous Non-Audi Owners,

Did you know that Quattro was delivered to the world by God’s dick? Well if you didn’t, you’re not a true enthusiast. You constantly say that Audi’s have the engine in the wrong place. But, you obviously don’t know that motors are supposed to hang over the front axle, otherwise Audi wouldn’t put them there. You should also know that Audi’s are totally not just Volkswagen’s, K Bro? They’re two different companies, which you can clearly see; the VW emblem is not on the car. You know what else is awesome? LED lights, BMW are just copying what Audi already did.

We don’t tailgate you in the middle lane; you just go too slow, forcing us to use the right lane to pass. Maybe one day you too can lease an Audi. Until then, you have no reason to act all superior with your rear wheel drive nonsense. Everybody knows that you can’t even drive those in the snow, so how else are you going to Breckenridge? Do you even ski, Bro? Also, the only reason I took the A4 badges off my car is because smooth looks, not that I want you to think that it’s a better model.

Later bro,

An Audi driver