What genre of music is appropriate for picking up a female?

I was trying to think of something to write on my way to pick up a girl I've recently been mildly interested in. Suddenly, inspiration for this article/random-thought-spat-out-on-a-keyboard was had.

Illustration for article titled What genre of music is appropriate for picking up a female?

I was blasting down a freeway section of CA-44, playing something from Kanye West's "Yeezus" album. As I approached the exit, I realized something; this song isn't exactly appropriate for an almost-date. Shit. What song am I going to play? Should I play music?

I thought of the possibilities on my Spotify account(Come on, I don't want to spend data actually STREAMING the music, I pay $10 a month so I don't have to do that).


If you're like me, you don't have several, nicely-indexed, playlists. Instead, you have a single folder which contains literally every genre of music ever made, which is OK, since you can simply skip songs you aren't in the mood for. This presents an issue of the girl hearing the first second or so of all the really embarrassing songs you do have.

But the selection? Uh oh. Well, if Kanye doesn't fit the bill, then neither does Jay-Z, 2 Chainz, TI, Lil Wayne, Kid Cudi, MGK, Tech Nine, Tyler the Creator, 50 Cent, Childish Gambino, Hoodie Allen, Eminem, Juicy J, A$AP Rocky, or pretty much any other male Rap artist. If the girl is church-y(As this one was), you should probably stay away from music which talks about sex, weed, any variation of the "N" word, or pretty much any other rap topic. Naturally, if you're just hanging out with the sort of female you've known forever, who you're totally just friends with, even if you wouldn't mind wife-ing that, it's all good. They accept your gangster music selection as an extension of your dorky eccentricity.


That's fine, I have tons of girly music. I have Pre-sketchy Justin Bieber, some 1D, maybe even some Beyonce or JT? Paramore?
No! That won't work either. "Who the heck is this guy? He listens to One Direction. Is he gay? Am I missing something?"
That may be a stretch, but one does see my point.

Top 40 "Alternative" music? Oh yeah, tons of that- Imagine Dragons, MGMT, Capital Cities, Passenger, One Republic, Avicii? I found that this was probably my safest bet, but it gives the appearance that you don't actually have taste in music; but rather you follow everyone else. If you do choose to play anything like this, don't play their number one hits. Very often.
Of course, I didn't have any of the non-hits on my phone, so that was a pass.


I then thought I had the answer. You know that girl you know who left your hometown to go to school somewhere which has "Culture", a big city with loads of hipsters? You follow her on Spotify, and add all of the stuff she listens to so you have music that makes you look like, well, a hipster. At the time, this was a band called "The 1975", which I found also violated the rule listed above with the rap music; Don't play music which flat-out glamorizes drugs and sex.

Classic rock? Who are you, someone who worships your parents? Get a life.

Classical? Wow, aren't you a super-douche? You must think you're SOOOOO enlightened.


Finally, it hit me. Alt and Rock from the late 90's and early 2000's. Matchbox Twenty, Semisonic, Third Eye Blind, and yes; even Jimmy Eats World. Nobody can blame you for having poor taste when you were 7, and older music which you listened to as a child brings up memories, which are essentially stories that BOTH of you can talk about! Fantastic! Sadly, this came to me AFTER I had already dropped her back off. But on the way home, I realized something.

Why do you care what she thinks about your music? Either you listen and she respects it, or not. If the girl is hardcore judging your beats, is she really worth it? Don't worry about the music so much; hit shuffle and enjoy the ride.

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