Tom McParland, if that is his real name, told Americans they shouldn't spend their most quintessential of holidays, Black Friday, at a dealership. Tom McParland is wrong. American auto buyers should go to a dealership, specifically a Buick dealership, because when and where else can you find 20% off a brand new car?

Modern car enthusiasts, especially modern American car enthusiasts, are all about numbers. Sub-three-second 0-60 times, 707 horsepower engines, under 2500 lbs curb weights; but none of these numbers is as bonkers as 20% off a car that's not a Mitsubishi, Suzuki, or other dead-brand-walking.

Just consider the following:

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Sweet George Washington on a cracker almost $6000 off a brand new Buick Regal! It's the base Regal, but who cares? A base Regal will easily top a Malibu with a few options, even on Black Friday. Let's walk to the other side of the dealership and see what deals Americans can find on gold bowties this weekend.

$1000 off. A paltry $1000 off. Only offering $1000 off, less than 5% of the base Malibu's $23,290 MSRP, is an insult to the holiday. A mere $1462 will bump you not just to a new trim level, but to an entirely more upmarket brand!

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So if you're looking for a great somewhat-German FWD/AWD cruiser, walk on over to a Buick Dealer and see what's on the lot. You may just find something you like for 20% off. Because 20% off.