In addition to the 2014 Final Round Winners, I would like to present the winners of this year’s special awards.

Miss “Best Mug Shot” - goes to Miss March. Congrats Stephanie. After smoking pot, talking to the devil, driving through a church, and stabbing your husband, you clean up pretty good.

Miss “Would Hit It” - also goes to Miss March. 40% of you thought she was pretty enough to take home. Just don’t turn your back on her. Or take her to a NASCAR race.

Miss “Most Batshit” - also goes to Miss March. 75% of you thought the whole “the devil made me do it” was crazy enough to win this award.. and to sleep with. Heaven help us.


Miss “Most likely to bring home and meet Mom” - is awarded to Miss July. 60% of the vote only means one thing. Self-preservation is a trait most of our women are missing.

Miss “Most likely to return in 2015” goes to Miss January. Why? Because of her record, and the fact that Oregon doesn’t seem to be doing much to stop it from continuing. Seeing how Miss Axmaker has already been arrested twice since she made the list, we can only wish the best for her until we see her again next year.


Miss “Case of bad luck, probably shouldn’t have made the list.” is awarded to Miss February.


As it turns out, Denice Rebelato was rushing home from Brazil in a panic to care for her son, and probably did what any mother would do in order to get home ASAP. Dumb and desperate can be excused if your kids are in trouble.

In fact, when she realized she couldn’t pay the fare she got back in the cab, and got a ride to the police station.


Honorable mention: While not eligible for the pageant - because 1) He’s Male, and 2) there wasn’t an official, available mugshot - we can’t forget to mention our own Patrick George for committing a car crime this year for us to read about.

The Ultimate Speed Check - Tales from the Commonwealth.