Full disclosure: Mitsubishi wanted me to drive this car so badly, they sold it to someone, who sold it to someone, who bought it as a throw in along with a Suzuki SX4. He then loaned it to a friend in exchange for the Ford Taurus SHO who then, after making me drive to the ghetto, only to be accosted by ladies of the evening, loaned it to me, to drive back from Mucho Burrito.

Exterior: 6/10.

You know how at malls and stuff they got those parking spaces that are only for EV’s or robots or whatever green things. This thing is pretty green. Even for me. It sure does turn heads wherever it goes though, and for that I’ll give it a 6/10. Just look at that greenery.

Interior: 4/10.

Basic as shit. Cloth seats which I like, but then they have heaters in them which is just weird. One wonders if you left the heaters on, if the car would literally burn itself to the ground. In the mean time, this thing is actually not as basic as one would hope. Power windows = stupid. This car has power windows. Power mirrors are less dumb and this car has that, so that’s a plus. The sound insulation is also surprisingly decent. Better than the sound insulation in my friends fiesta anyways.

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Acceleration: 4/10

The acceleration is actually surprisingly not horrible. The lil 3 cylinder engine likes to rev, and that’s a good thing. However if you turn the A/C on when accelerating, then prepare to slow down. Under the hood, the engine has kind of a goofy look about it. Look at that ridiculous air intake!

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Also for whatever reason this car seems to have a pretty high rolling resistance. My friend was driving it, and when he shifted gears the car looses speed so quick I felt I was going to smuck my head on the windscreen.

Braking: 3/10

I don’t really have much to say here other than “The diameter of the brakes can’t be very big....just look at how tiny the wheels are. The wheels are 14 inches. So brakes are tiny. This thing stops worse than my Cavalier ever did, and braking wasn’t exactly that cars strong suit.

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Ride: 4/10

Tiny little struts holding a tiny little car. I didn’t notice the ride being too harsh. My mustang convertible rattles over all bumps and potholes. This car did not rattle as far as I noticed.

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The struts only had two mounting bolts on the top but were fairly beefy.

One entertaining anecdote is the fact that this car is so small that filling it up with 25L of fuel actually effects the ride height to the extent that you must adjust your mirrors to look up a little bit. All dat extra weight has your ass dragging. I have never been in a car where the amount of fuel it has affects it to that extent.

Handling: 0/10.

You’d think, the Mirage being made of plastics and stuff like that that doesn’t weigh anything the handling would be good. You’d think. You’d be wrong, This car is like maneuvering a little battle tank. It doesn’t like to turn, and the amount of body roll is incredible. At one point turning left rather aggressively I hit an indent for a man hole cover. The car bounced around, the wheels made a screeching noise and make a huge thump.

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It was rather entertaining. I’ve never driven a Suzuki Samurai, but I feel like this is what it would be like. I had the distinct impression that this car might roll pretty easily. Go karts don’t have a lot of weight either...but those are low to the ground. This thing is like a giant floating bubble that hates to turn.

Sorry Mitsubishi, to hoon you need to able to turn lol.

Gearbox: 2/10

First of all 5 speed manual...so props for that.

The clutch feel on this thing is ridiculous. Coming from my manual 4.6L V8 clutch which feels like a 10 pound weight, this clutch is far far lighter. Also the travel is hard to get used to. The first few inches of travel the clutch doesn’t engage at all. This makes for interesting starts and stops, when you’re not used to it. My Mustang clutch bites pretty early, so I had a hard time getting going with this thing. I’d need it for about a week before I could adjust.

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Now, it could just be a problem with the adjuster. Afterall, the Mirage has a cable driven clutch.

A cable driven clutch. IN 2014. Not even my base model 2003 Cavalier was driven by clutch cable. And it was a base model economy car designed in 1995.

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Toys: 2.5/10

Heated seats, as mentioned that may or may not burn the car down. 1 point. Air conditioning, 1 point. Thingamabob that tells you how much fuel your burning. .5 points. That’s a solid 2.5 out of 10 right there.

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Audio: 2/10

We did not use the stereo. But the engine audio isn’t the best.

Value: 6/10

As I understand it, the owner of this unfortunate looking car got this car thrown in or something when he bought a Suzuki Sx4 for around $10K. An Sx4 plus this is a lot of car(s) for $10K. But this thing is hopeless in every way, and yet you can’t help but love it. For some stupid reason it pulls on your heart strings just being so little and pretending to be a big persons car.

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It’s like the tonka toys version of a real car and it’s kind of adorable in that sense.

And it’s a real looker with all the greenery. People’s necks be snapping like chickens it’s kind of hysterical. We should put spinners on this thing and then see what happens. It would be the most ridiculous car in all of West Saskatchewan.

This car is so bad, it’s good.

Total: 33/100.