In the wake of Democratic Attorney Doug Jones’s surprising upset over maverick Republican Judge Roy Moore in Alabama this week, several pollsters have analyzed the data and come to a surprising conclusion: Bumper stickers are entirely responsible for the narrow gap of the mere 20,000 votes that separated the two men. While other factors like race, yard signs, household income, hearsay, education levels, and willingness to loosely paraphrase the Old Testament also played into voting trends, bumper stickers emerged as the single biggest factor.
“Mike” of the small mountain town of Fort Payne, Alabama, said that he originally wanted to vote for Moore — and even had a Moore sticker on his pickup truck’s tailgate. “At the end of the day, I really preferred that my truck stay unmolested,” he said, and ultimately abstained from voting.
Mike’s sentiment reflects a nationwide trend of voters using bumper stickers and facebook posts are their two main sources of election information. Since facebook has been under fire in recent years for questionably accurate news stories and unofficial paid placements masquerading as balanced political discourse, many users have grown weary of the site’s constant controversies over accuracy. That trend means bumper stickers are now the main source of political information for over 71% of Americans.
Although Alabama’s timing was due to a special election, November 2018 will see Senate election for 33 seats (of 100), as well as all 435 Representatives. That timing gives activists nearly 11 full months to design, print, and distribute what analysts expect to be a 400-million-sticker year. Websites like Zazzle and Cafepress have been working around the clock and have hired over 700 additional temporary workers to help cope with the upcoming workload.
Kelly Jackson of Mesa, Arizona, is the Director of the West Southwest PAC, a far-left activist group. Her “Flake Out” campaign has hinged on the space that will be vacated by controversial Republican Senator Jeff Flake upon his retirement next year. “The brevity of this campaign name lends itself very well to bumper sticker legibility,” she claims, “Which is not something I set out to do – it just fell into place.” She believe the two-word name will be the shortest liberal bumper sticker in national history, one that could even be read from a moving vehicle nearby. “While it’s great to get your entire message out,” she adds, “We can’t count on people sitting in traffic with 20/20 vision and 30 seconds to spare. We have to strike where we can.”
Another retiring Republican senator, Bob Corker of Tennessee, leaves a vacancy that many observers believe could be filled by a moderate Democrat, much like Doug Jones did in Alabama. Corker’s district of Southeast Tennessee has grown increasingly politically diverse in recent years, with Corker himself willing to butt heads with President Trump and the Republican establishment repeatedly throughout 2017.
However, rural areas outside of Chattanooga’s left-wing base disagree with this. Jim McEvers of the right-leaning anti-immigration Bags2PAC group insists that the region has seen too much labor displacement from immigration. “I don’t care if you came here from Mexico or New Jersey,” he insists. “You talk funny and you can’t have our textile, poultry, or car jobs!” One of the area’s largest employers, Volkswagen Group, agrees, saying in an official press release that “Volkswagen and its Board of Directors support a workforce of people with diverse heritage, including Dutch, French, and even Polish or Italian. We also love women, but not in the way that you read about in the news.”
The stance is a bold move for such a large, multinational employer, but one that resonates with many voters in the AL/GA/TN border region from which Volkswagen draws its workforce. The company has already considered making bumper stickers standard on all new 2018 Atlas and Passat models with the tagline “This Car Pulls Right,” a double entendre that the company insists does not relate to vehicle build quality.