Why can’t you melt bread?

Flatulence has been statistically proved to increase ease of displacement while walking up stairs, adding a small boost to your journey. Farts: Nature’s turbocharger. Blessed are we to live on this great Earth.

A mother and her young child in a public building: “No sweetie, don’t touch the floor, it’s dirty!” Raphy walks in. Applause. Raphy touches floor with shoe. Raphy: “NOT ‘NYMORE” Raphy lights cigar. Exeunt.

I don’t discriminate people based on their race, sexuality, or gender. I discriminate people based on their beliefs. So don’t go criticizing my claims of tolerance when I say I hate religion.


Why fight over pistons and rotaries? Different strokes for different folks!

There is the cutest buglet on the balcony railing next to me. I happened to have my camera next to me as I was writing. Check him out:


Rust in peace, Rustin Hoffman (1989-1938)

Typical Chrysler commercial:
>Eisenhower voice “Here at Chrysler, we believe at offering you the best America has to offer.”
>shaky footage of Detroit landmarks
>Motown/soul/R&B/some other variant of ‘60s-’70s music made by gay black people
“You’ve deserved this middle-class car which is from Detroit... you American, you.


As a Pole, the Czech Republic/Slovakians/Czechoslovakians are my Slavbrethren. I smile every time I see a Škoda or Tatra on the road. Poland wasn’t so lucky as the Czechs as far as cars go but I feel proud of them for what they achieved in terms of industry, I’m like the alcoholic parent crying at his kid’s grad ceremony

People who don’t like poetry are averse to a verse. See what I did there? Of course you do. [that thing where you click your tongue and do the hand pistols]


You ever see someone on the bus, and you’re suddenly really interested in that person, not necessarily romantically or sexually, there’s just this person there who is Clearly Interesting and you want to know everything about them and go on Adventures with them and then they get off at the next stop and you ride home like every time, staring out the window, watching the city lights go by and all those people but you still feel so alone...

night oppo