[PUBLIC SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT: Absolute nonsense, too many links, and random yammering about ahead. Don't wanna read this? Don't click the headline.]


Cayman GT4: So, who are we up against?

911 RS: Well, mostly my cousin R8, the AMG thing, and you're against the Focus RS, Tesla, and M4. I think that's about it.

Cayman GT4: You're forgetting somebody.

911 RS: Nope. I've already mentioned who we're up against.

Cayman GT4: You're being a sissy. I know who he is and you're not looking. It's that Aston, isn't it?


911 RS: Yeah, that Aston Martin. He carries twice more cylinders than me, and, darn itβ€”he looks more toned than meβ€”


Cayman GT4: Well, you're right about that one. (laughs)

911 RS: β€”stop it, bruh.

Cayman GT4: (chuckles) Alright, alright. I'll stop. You also think you can take on the McLaren?


911 RS: Maybe. Maybe not. He's got an unsightly horsepower number, and he's slicker, but I think I can corral him in the tight corners. BTW, I heard Professor Glickenhaus say he's got a car of his own. Said he can get it in a marathon and go back home still running.


Oh, and that big, fat guy next block? He's been toning up, lately.


Cayman GT4: Yeah. Been on a regimen. That Bentley sure is serious a good pace to fight you on your turf. You raced him before, right?

911 RS: Yep. Hell of a guy. Fights as if he's just my size, though my dad's seen him thinner before. Oh, and hey, don't forget the NSX even though you wanna forget her. She's a hybrid and can fight to the death.


Cayman GT4: I could rub it in to her.

911 RS: Don't. Give her a break. I'm on it.

Cayman GT4: Ugh. Then I'll just take the Ford.

911 RS: What Ford? The big guy?


Cayman GT4: No, the other guy. The show-off from out of state, son of the old Ford GT he says.

911 RS: Ah, yes, him. I admit, I was taken aback, especially because he showed up first and was the first guy who said "Come at me, bro!" or something like that. Has a lot of spunk to back it up, though, so it seems to me.


Cayman GT4: I don't think it's a good idea to go race that bloke. I mean, he's got a V6, sure, but then, LOOK AT HIM!!! He's sexier than even me! Or that gorgeous Ferrari over there, for that matter.


911 RS: You mean Sergio the interior designer?


Cayman GT4: I think... yeah, him.

911 RS: Which just reminds me... you think you can take on a Corvette?

Cayman GT4: Seriously, he's a bigger show-off than the Ford. I mean, he has the nerve to fight GTS over at Dunsfold with a hammer. And we don't fight hammers.


911 RS: I'd show his big brother Z06 some hammer.

[new Jensen GT rolls into frame. Both Porsches see it]


Cayman GT4: What is that?

911 RS: I don't know. Never heard of him before. But he looks a bit... old, I guess. But he sounds so new. Could be the engine.


Cayman GT4: Could be a zombie, him.

911 RS: I'd take it as a word of caution. Let's go, Junior.

Cayman GT4: Why do you keep calling me Junior?

911 RS: Let's just go silently, Junior. Don't do that thing again. Besides, we've a schedule over at the 'Ring.


Cayman GT4: *engine revs louder* Stop calling me Junior.

*sudden flash of Hellcat eyes*


As you can see, I just did bullshit, one that can only be made better with a German kind of Engrish, but at least you can see much of the supercar field that the particular variants of the 911 and Cayman are in. Now just move along into the rest of Oppositelock.