A letter to the GM engineer who came up with the packaging for the car battery in my '96 Regal

Illustration for article titled A letter to the GM engineer who came up with the packaging for the car battery in my 96 Regal

I want to start by saying I get where you’re coming from. We’ve all been there. I’m sure after the breakup things were rough and you tried to move on. Sometimes it’s just too hard to let go. After struggling to meet deadlines and not being able to get over Jennifer breaking up with you I’d be petty and spiteful too. You just need to remember that even if she is a service tech at a Buick dealer you’re not just hurting her, you’re hurting the rest of us too.


I know you thought it was pretty funny putting that strut brace over the battery and you grinned a good thirty seconds at the thought of her wondering who would put that there. Then you chortled at the image of her realization she’d have to take out the washer fluid reservoir. When she finished breaking the retainer clips and removed the bolt that secured it you cackled at the idea of her shock she’d have to remove the fuse block to finish taking out the battery. After she finishes that and finally dumps out the fluid and gets that reservoir out you take great delight in her discovery of the bracket securing the battery. Little does she know that there is not one bolt fastening this bracket, nor two, but three. That’s right, three. And that third one will take a 12 inch extension just to reach. After they are all removed the bracket will move freely but will still refuse to exit the engine bay. Then she will have to wrestle it free from the air intake that is pinning it down.

All of this will be made even more frustrating by the fact that the alternator can be removed in all of about two minutes. I know she hurt you but you can never begin to heal until you let her go. Start by letting our batteries go.

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