You know that feeling you get after going to the bank for money to buy a car, something you want? A buzzing, effervescent feeling of anticipation, the money burning a hole in your pocket? I have never had another feeling when buying a car, and for the first time in my life, it is absent. For behold, I am buying this (probably)(if it’s as represented)(contingent upon my inspection):

For there comes a time, my friends, for a man to cross over to the Dark Side, whereupon he shall find the light. Maybe. For Lo, another child shall be upon me shortly, and mine wife needs a larger conveyance with which to carry all the shit required therefore! To wit, Dad’s Law states that a small child will expand to fill all available space, as ours has, her available space being a previously adequate 325iT, notably with thine exalted manuel transmission, which I shall now have to part with to cover the currency extracted by the above vehicle.

But behold, brothers and sisters, all is not lost! For despite my previous prejudices to any van of less than Econoline mass that was not German with a small engine in the back, I have repented! Ah have Repented, I say-uh! Let the record show that I have come to embrace the miniature van, for it has abundant space, supreme comfort, and a sultry reliable engine of six cylinders which makes more power than anything else currently in our Scuderia Familia. And let’s not forget, let us NOT forget, Dude, it will make my wife’s life easier, thus doing the same for mine. Hence, it shall be so, and thus tomorrow, on the first day of the 7th month, I will reemerge from my chrysalis of pain and defeat a new man, the same as before, but different. And it will be good.