I got a call a few nights ago from my dad. It was unusual, because he was concerned about me. I’m not sure when was the last time that I received a call from Dad that concerned me ... or even if I ever have received such a call. I know my dad loves me, but lets just say he’s very wrapped up in his own little world and problems and leave it at that. So, this got my attention.

He wanted to know what I thought about arming teachers. I cut him off before he could fully state his case, but I surmised that he was leaning in favor of it.

A little background here on my dad and I. My dad took me shooting when I was four years old. I remember it well, and I had a great time. I think I was in my mid or late 20's the next time my dad went shooting. My dad gets a bit obsessive about things. He had a 15+ year stretch where he was consumed by fishing, but he turned his attention to guns when he got bored of fishing, and has since bought a whole bunch of them. Myself, I first got a FOID card in 2006, so I could buy a gun. I’ve since renewed that card, but still haven’t purchased a firearm. I have no problems with responsible personal gun ownership, it just hasn’t made it to the top of my list of things to spend my money on. That money always goes to cars and racing. (Shocking, right!?!?)

Anyways, I cut my dad off and told him why I’m against arming teachers. We had a nice rational discussion on the topic. I will sum up my arguments thusly.

1) There’s no way you could possibly train teachers well enough, to be effective in a firefight. Even cops aren’t well enough trained for this. There just isn’t enough time or money in the world, to make teachers an effective weapon.

2) I do not want the responsibility to pulling the trigger in a school. What if I miss? What if I shot an innocent? What if a ricochet takes out a kid?


3) I honestly think myself and my students are safer doing what I am currently trained to do, than if I had a gun.

My current training is to lock the doors, hide the kids in my storeroom, and hide next to the door with a hammer. If anyone smashes/shoots out the window to reach in and open the door, I wail on them with the hammer.

Dad liked this plan, it made sense to him. Then he inquired about the hammer. He’s a contractor/carpenter, so he had thoughts on this.


“What kind of hammer do you have? A big 22 ouncer, with straight claws?”

“No,” I replied. “I have a bunch of 16 ounce curved claws.”

“I’d like you to get a bigger hammer. Get a big ass kicker, with straight claws and a waffle head. Something you could really fuck them up with. It’ll make me feel better.”


The son abides.