My HOA hired a guy to paint the fence surrounding our pool. This is the finished job. We also have another company that disappeared halfway through concrete work and railing replacement. This is why you don’t look for the cheapest “handyman” on Craigslist. Fuck HOA’s.

It’s been like this for two months now

Everything gets decided by a board of directors, which is made up of five homeowners without the slightest clue how even the most basic of projects should be handled. Apparently they were all “voted in” by all homeowners in my condominiums (about 150 units in a semi-private spread out foresty area) but I’ve lived here since 2013 and have yet to see any voting opportunities.

This is the place where I got a $150 ticket for backing into my parking spot. Literally the first day I lived here. And a $200 ticket for creating “unsafe driving conditions” when I was walking through the parking lot and some old lady almost hit me. I’m insanely petty when it comes to shit like this, so I parked my car directly in front of the ticket issuers unit for a month (visitor parking space) with multiple dash cams hooked up to portable battery packs. What do you know, after two weeks I caught the lady putting trash in my car and hitting the side with her car door. Multiple times. Left the car for another two weeks to potentially get even more dirt... And then went to the cops. They went over the footage, and actually gave me some horror stories of their own about HOA’s.

They broke everything down for me. Apparently putting trash in a vehicle with the window rolled down can be claimed as “breaking into a car”. So that, littering, and a hefty damage to property charge (found a high-end body shop that quoted me something like four thousand dollars to do the dent/paint repair).

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At this point, I’d received another $200 fine, this time for “loitering” near the locked mailboxes. Yeah. Okay. Suffice to say The Pettyness took over. Fuck it, I’ll play your game. Showed up at Ms. Fine-givers home—very polite—asking if she would pay the bill for my dent repair. Obviously she said no, claiming that she had nothing to do with it. Returned later with one of the cops who had gone over the films. Funny how quickly her attitude changed... Now it was all “oh I’m so sorry, it’s just that he parked a bit close, and I had trouble opening my heavy doors without tapping his vehicle!”

Cut to the end, she ended up paying for my repairs, some of which went towards the damaged doors, the rest being the start of my Miata purchase fund. She also paid a hefty fine for throwing trash where it didn’t belong. That was out of my hands... This is when I learned that you don’t fuck around with littering in Washington. You could get away with murder but if the police catch you littering they will string your ass up with no mercy.

So all in, I spent $550 on fines in my first two months at the first home I owned. My Subaru was damaged, my time was wasted, and I was given a pretty “warm” welcome by the first HOA that I had the pleasure of dealing with.

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Ms. Fine-giver? She ended up paying out about $5000, some to me, some to the police. I don’t know if it’s related, but she ended up selling her Mercedes (early 2000's G Wagon) and eventually buying.... Wait for it. A Kia Rio.

I haven’t really been bothered since all that went down, which is all I really wanted in the first place. Ms. Fine-giver still lives here, and the HOA still doesn’t seem able to function in anything resembling a competent manner. On the rare occasions I see her taking out her trash, I grin from ear-to-ear, tell her I “better not see anything in the Miata!” (which she paid for) and enjoy her bitter looks shot in my direction. I like to think that we’re on our way to being good friends.