A Wild Explorer Appears

Apparently my wife has decided to get into the habit of taking in unwanted vehicles into our garage-less, driveway-less household instead of the more typical stray animals. Thus, we’re now the owners of a U152 Explorer.

The story behind this one is that the owner originally planned to drive it on his move to Mexico (hence the luggage rack), but his family convinced him to sell it on account of his poor eyesight and unfamiliarity with interstate driving. So, he signed a power of attorney for his daughter to sell it, packed up and moved. Then the daughter only tried to sell it via word of mouth (not CL or other advertising attempted) and allowed the power of attorney to expire. And then a neighbor got pissed off and threw a rock at the windshield, so she asked my wife to take it off her hands, and as of that evening it’s been sitting on our parking lot.

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So, why would we want it? I dunno. It’s got the Cologne 4.0 V6, push-button 4x4, third-row seats, leather seats, power sunroof, and not much else. The outside looks decent, although the plastic trim on the tailgate glass is halfway detached; the tires and brakes look kind of newish; the engine seems to run decently; and there’s only superficial rust underneath. The old guy didn’t bother with ever cleaning the interior, though, so when it arrived it had all sorts of spilled shit from the bakery where he used to work, a few dollars in loose change, a bright spot on the carpet behind the second row where a bottle of bleach had spilled, and a coat of crud on all of the plastics and the second- and third-row seats. Besides the windshield, the right rear window won’t move and is held in place by a pair of wedged-in screwdrivers; the plastic trim around the driver’s window controls is cracked; the A/C blend door actuator is broken and clicking; the column shifter cable is loose and occasionally prevents the shifter from move into Park; at least one door has a bad switch causing the “door ajar” light to remain lit; and there’s a moldy smell coming from the sunroof.

My wife wanted to take it to the car wash right away.

What hath God wrought...

The local pick-a-part has a number of Explorers of this generation along with a Mountaineer and an Aviator, so I should be able to get replacement parts on the cheap. Still, I have mixed feelings about this thing: it can carry seven people with their luggage and tow 5,000 lbs, but has a miserable interior and sucks all ass to drive. I don’t know what to do with this.

Fuck.

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