Illustration for article titled According To Seller If You Buy This Bronco Panties Will Drop.

This is a power pulsing piece of American History. The 1972 Ford Bronco. If you are a Jeep guy or looking for a Jeep, stop reading now. You aren’t ready yet. Come back when you have balls. If you do have a set, then they will likely get bigger after reading this ad.

If you are ready to own this icon, here’s your chance. This machine has is an eight cylinder 302 cubic inch power plant forged by AMERICAN labor that will smoke the 33 x 12.50 tires through 3 gears. Converted from three on the tree to four on the floor. You will not need the first gear unless you want to pull Jeeps and other wannabees out of their misery. The NP 435 transmission has a Dana 20 transfer case attached with a dual stick for front/rear independent high and low. Did I mention electric seats.

Illustration for article titled According To Seller If You Buy This Bronco Panties Will Drop.

This gun-metal gray panty dropper won’t start the first time. It has a carburetor. If you don’t know what that is, ask a man. Women will want to be with you and men will want to be you.

New shocks, springs, sway bar. 4 wheel disc brake conversion, power steering so your other arm is free to throw around the best looking girl of your choice. No radio installed. Wouldn’t be able to hear it over the sweet loud rumble and testosterone being ejected from the headers. You will enjoy cruising at speeds of 55-60 because you will never be in a hurry. If you want speed, buy a sports car. Looking for an air conditioner. Look somewhere else. The man who pilots this machine doesn’t care about sweating, rain, or getting laid. If you want something practical then go find a nice rice burning hatch back, a solar powered liberal mobile, or even a Hyundai crossover to feed your wannabee appetite. This, my friend, is a piece of red white and blue Americana Machinery that will make Chuck Norris and John Wayne slap the Dos Equis guy and wave old glory as you cruise by. Bald eagles will watch you with binoculars. Obama stickers won’t stick to this bumper so don’t bother.

Illustration for article titled According To Seller If You Buy This Bronco Panties Will Drop.

If you think you’re ready to park this panty hauler in your driveway then be prepared. Buying this Bronco will cause some major changes around the house. Better get your old lady ready for some damn changes, cause this shit will be happening. What will be Happening? Glad you asked. . ..

1. More chest hair
2. More friends
3. You’re growing a beard
4. Meat Only Diet
5. T-Rex for a pet
6. You’re taking a job at the lumber mill
7. Penis enlargement
8. Catch more fish
9. Sex in the yard
10. Sex in the garage
11. All male offspring
12. Chiseled jaw line
13. Not giving a damn
14. Flesh turning to steel
15. Higher salary
16. Promotions
17. Better looking wives
18. Better looking mistresses
19. More golfing
20. More killing stuff
21. More dead animals in the KITCHEN freezer
22. More tools in your garage
23. Bigger TV
24. Wife takes out the trash
25. Four Wheel Drive
26. Wife stocks fridge with beer
27. Chuck Norris
28. John Wayne
29. Merica
30. Steaks for dinner
31. Women on the side
32. Building shit out of stone
33. Bar Fights
34. Wife picks you up from Thee Gentlemen’s Club
35. Welding stuff

Sounds good right?

Illustration for article titled According To Seller If You Buy This Bronco Panties Will Drop.

But if you think you’re going to get this steed, you better pony up $14,000 American Dollars. I’m not selling you this awesomeness unless you are clearly a pure blooded American Species, so don’t even think about it. If you want to low ball or offer less than what it’s worth, then go get that nice Subaru, paddle board, and find a rescue dog to join ya because the hot American women won’t be. They’ll be in the backseat of this Ford Bronco!!!!!If you drive a Jeep, please, do not read this Craigslist add. Move on with your pathetic, wussy-ass life.

Flyinglap aka Joe knows more useless car information than anybody. He owns every Car & Driver since 1986. His 11 year old son knows the difference between an E24 and E28. His 7 year old son says “gai-ar-doh” not “gah-lar-doh”.

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