Alrighty, it's late at night (or not, depending), which means that it is once more time for some advice with Uncle CB. Today, stemming from Yamahog's story and my own personal mishap, I'll be giving some advice about swimming. You can trust me, I have medals and everything.

This is a story that I heard while me and my buddy were waiting for an all clear from the doctor, saying they had successfully lasered my eye back together after a horrific Nerf gun accident. My buddy and I being inquisitive folks, I asked him what his most interesting story was. Awesomely (and awfully) enough, he told us. Also, if you're squeamish, don't read this.

Now, the story begins with a man on a family vacation. They were on a cruise that had left port from Florida, and were making their way around the Caribbean, having a grand old time. They came to one spot where they were able to head to land and spend a bit of time there, so the family elected to spend some of their shore time at the beach.


The man decided to go for a swim in the ocean (as one is wont to do), and was just kind of doing that when he felt a sharp pain in his eye. Then there was blood in the water. Concerned, he got back to shore, and then the cruise ship, and then went to see the doctor on the boat. The doctor said he had pink eye, gave him some medicine, and sent him home.

Needless to say, it didn't work. So when they got back to shore, he elected to head home to Ottawa, I believe on a Friday. On the following Tuesday, he showed up at Ottawa General, with a nearly collapsed eye. It had been about nine days from the initial incident when he got to the hospital, and he was immediately put through emerge in order to try to save his eye.


Now, the doctors listened to his story, and one of the nurses elected to do some research, because they had no idea what was going on. They did scans and all that shit, and all of them came up blank. And one nurse came across a journal article that had been written about six months prior. The journal outlined the case of a man who had been swimming in the Caribbean, had a sharp pain in his face, and had to take him into surgery when they couldn't find anything on the scans. And what had they found in his face?

The nose bone of a needlefish (the asshole down below).


Turns out, the man in the journal article had a needlefish swim into his face, embedded itself, and then snapped off, leaving the bone in the man's face.

Returning to present time, the man was put through surgery, and from his eye they pulled out a bone: the nose of a needlefish, which had stabbed this man in the eye.


The kicker of this story? The doctor said they were able to save the man's eye from the brink and he now has perfect vision in it.

Which leads me to my advice: when swimming, always wear goggles. Or don't go anywhere near water in the first place. Fuck the ocean.