All My Cars Actually Run Right Now, Suckaaaaaaaas

After one and a half years of sitting, the Volkswagen 411 lives!!!

Apparently all we really needed to get my allegedly cursed Volkswagen 411 running again was to whack the carb on the side to un-stick the float, put some fresh fuel in, adjust a fuel regulator and twist the distributor around to find the sweet spot on the timing (after we popped it off briefly to take a look).

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It still runs kind of hot, and I’m not sure what’s up there. It doesn’t seem as bad as it used to be, though, so I guess running it less lean than before did something. We were also farting around a parking lot. The fluids have only been sitting and making a mystery perma-puddle underneath it for a year and a half, so they’re kind of an unknown quantity, too.

I guess I have ample time before its next possible race in November to figure out the hot-running situation just in case this is the car to do Lemons things with again. Or Gambler. Or rallycross. Or some or all of the above. Also, I have a functional backup car in the 944 that only needs a couple minor things like fresh fluids and a refilled fire system bottle because I keep accidentally hitting the squirt-handle.

Also, this means that all three of my cars work? I don’t know what to do with this. Do I drive the cars? I think I drive the cars. I didn’t even have a seat bolted down in the VW, and we were goofing around and driving it anyway. I sat on my spare transmission on the passenger side for a quick passenger run because safety extremely third. What’s your excuse, 42-mile Bring-A-Travesty “Collector” Guy? You enjoy being one-upped by a 411 or something?

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Anyway, I guess now is the time to clean out all the random nests of things and kill all the assorted spiders and wasps that really love living in that thing again. This is Texas, so I just assume everything arachnid or insect-wise will kill me if I don’t kill it first—just to be on the cautious side of things.

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About the author

Stef Schrader

Contributor, Jalopnik. 1984 "Porschelump" 944 race car, 1971 Volkswagen 411 race car, 2010 Mitsubishi Lancer GTS.