Halloween is different for many people. For some, it’s a time to honor the dead. For some, it’s a time to review religious scripture. For some, it’s a time to have fun and be somebody or something you aren’t for three hundred and sixty four other days in the year. As of 2014, Halloween became the birth of a new me and a journey that I’m following for the rest of my life. Halloween 2017 marks my three year anniversary.
This was the birth of, Mercedes. (Lead Photo is one of my first pics.)
I felt that by now life would be dull, both fortunately and unfortunately that is untrue.
Regardless, this is my yearly thank you to Oppositelock for helping to give me the courage to be my true self. ♥
In these three years, I’ve been through a lot and not everything was fun.
Right out of the gate, I had to fight with my family after being disowned (traces of this remain today). Later, I lost all but a couple of my lifelong and long term friends, few wanted anything to do with me. I fell in love with a woman that even though I’m no longer with, I’m still in love with her. I got into my first ever long term relationship! I fell into a state of depression after my childhood abuse finally came full circle and plagued me along with my family issues. No employer wanted anything to do with me. I wanted to kill myself, I hated myself...
Life finally started turning around in late 2016. I made lots of new friends and reconnected with old ones. I’m at an awesome and loving company. I stopped being under the threat of losing everything. I even got a second copy of my dream car. I then got a third copy of my dream car! My family life is fine now, I lost fifty pounds. I even pulled mostly out of that harsh depression. I’m actually saving money too!
Of course, mistakes do happen. I made a friend with someone I should not have. The person helped lead me to a suicide attempt back in July. They’re now on the warpath with my next door neighbour at her side to making my life an absolute nightmare. Some of my depression is returning, the rosy shades in which I see the world through are looking just a little more black. I do admit, I am someone with regrets, and much of them accumulated in the months since meeting this person. My new challenge of getting out of depression is handling those regrets that hold me down and protecting myself from those two people.
I will prevail, I will get myself out of this, I will be...happy.
Looking back, would I do this all over again if I had to? Yes, very much yes. Life is better now than at any other point, and I’m never going back.
Thank you Oppo for being there with me on this wild ride, I love you all so much. ♥ You all have been monumental in my life and who I am today. You were the first outsiders I came out to and to this day I’m happy I did. You even outlasted decade-long friendships. ♥ Oppo will always have my heart. ♥