At my job, we occasionally have catered meals for meetings. I just got an email requesting my lunch order of soup, salad and breadsticks from Olive Garden. This is the second time we've had a catered lunch of soup, salad and breadsticks from Olive Garden. Which people around here are genuinely excited about.

I refuse to get excited about a pile of iceberg lettuce with a few onions, tomatoes olives and banana peppers thrown in it. Oh, don't forget the manufactured croutons. Mmm, manufactured croutons.

I refuse to get excited about those breadsticks everyone seems to love so much but to me taste like someone took the spongy preservative-laden "Italian" bread you find on the shelf at the grocery store (not the bakery section), brushed it with some butter and sprinkled on some garlic powder and dried oregano. Even if they "convey Italian generosity."


I refuse to get excited about some overly-salty soup that was cooked who-knows-how-long ago, with mushy vegetables and pasta, canned beans, and a flavor profile comprised of salt, salt and more salt.

I mean seriously, minestrone is so easy to make from scratch and be fantastic. It's also easy to do in a completely mediocre way if you just don't give a fuck.


Oh boy oh boy I'm so excited for this stupid 2.5-hour long meeting where lots of people will have opinions, and those opinions will be hashed and re-hashed, mostly for the sake of humoring the people with the opinions, while I snack on iceberg lettuce, lukewarm Campbell's-grade soup, and spongy breadsticks.

At least it'll ensure I'll have a day where someone doesn't fumigate my office by microwaving some fish.