Attention teenage car enthusiasts: Do not let your parents see this terrible review for anti-hooning devices!

Outrageously boring yet undeniably useful publication Consumer Reports is laying it on thick here. In their plain-Jane, no frills Eastern Connecticut way, they calmly explain that death is always right around the corner without Orwellian GPS monitoring of their teenagers.

"Don't think of it as spying on your teen, but coaching them to be a better driver."

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Wonderful.

So let's look at some of the alerts Mom and Dad receive:

  • Speeding
  • Hard braking
  • Hard acceleration

Well that's hooning right there. And now it's all gone kid, until you buy your own car.

Look, it's hard to watch that heartbreaking (albeit brief) interview with the poor mother who lost her son. But it's important to keep an accurate perspective of the emotions involved when determining the practicality of these devices.

If you had โ€” or have โ€” a teenage driver, would you want to make them use one of these things? Would they be more or less likely to grow up to be a car enthusiast?

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Ultimately, 0/10... would not (and cannot) hoon.

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Pictured: Mom and Dad, yesterday