If your Ford had a Matthew McConaughey, it would be a Lincoln

Bad Parking - "75ELDO" Edition

On my way out of the grocery store yesterday, I see this glorious land yacht pulling in, driven my a woman of maybe 50, with a fantastic wide-brimmed garden hat that matched the character of the vehicle perfectly. I was trying not to stare as I watched this thing pull into an area of many empty spaces, but still in the main row nearest the entrance. It had a great vanity plate by the way (the car, that is) - “75ELDO” - yes.

She swings the barge wide between opposing rows of SUVs and CUVs amorphous blobs and pulls in right between the lines; impressive, I think, for something of such generous proportions. But she overshoots the divider between the rows, and her front wheels are just over the line. I think at first that it was just luck that she was centered, and then her true I-don’t-care-I’m-driving-an-18-foot-topless-Caddy attitude was showing, but then she defies me. She opens that 7 1/2 foot long passenger door to look down at the lines, and she sees, up near the door’s front hinge, the yellow line going across behind her front tires. She shuts the door and looks to be putting the car in reverse.

Ok, I think, as I look away and start my own car, put on the seat belt, put the windows down, and prepare to leave. But NO! I look up, and she has moved the car 3 feet FORWARD to maximize the taking up of two spaces longitudinally, as it were. But WHY? With those panels the size of midwestern states and the doors that could double as a foot bridge over a small creek, I would think that if you were going to take the liberty of reserving two whole parking spaces for yourself, you would take them laterally. Avoid door dings in that beautiful 70's patina, and avoid the high probability of having to hop over the door yourself when you come back with your bread and butter beer and cigarettes.

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Oh, the humanity!

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