I’m gonna call this drink El Escorpión, because it leaves a nice, low level burning and tingling sensation in your mouth, much like the sting of a scorpion. Unlike a scorpion sting, there’s no initial hammer blow when it first hits your lips. This baby comes on sweet and smooth, leaving you with some very nice spicey and limey after tastes. It’s basically a spicey margarita (a real margarita, not that gringo, pre mixed shit). Here’s how you make it.

Mama and her baby skwerps


2 shots of of tequila (or five or six if your an alcoholic hardass like me)

1 tablespoon of simple syrup (can use a bit less agave syrup if you aren’t diabetic)

Mini shot of water

1/3 of a Jalapeño (be sure to curse at it)

Chili powder (or Lucas if your a psycho)

Cayenne pepper

The juice of two limes


Whatcha gotta do:

1. Add the tequila, simple syrup, lime juice, and water into a tumbler with a bit of ice.

3. Add a pinch of cayenne pepper along with four to five healthy shakes (like, really healthy shakes) of chili powder to the tumbler.

4. Shake the ever living shit out of the tumbler.

5. Slice the jalapeño (leave the seeds in, coward) and add them to a glass, along with some ice.

6. Pour the delicious scorpion juice into the glass.

7. ?

8. Profit.

You can screw around with how much chili powder you want to mix into this badboy. The pic above shows a drink that’s a bit on the light side. I’ve made them to where the powder ends of floating on the top of the glass, and it’s still delicious. This is a completely original drink that I thought up on my own, so if you ever see something similar at a bar, they probably read this post and plagiarized my drink. You can also substitute the tequila for grapefruit juice for children, straightedge kids, mormons, muslims, teetotalers, baptists, your alcoholic uncle, designated drivers, your friend out on parole, your dog, or anyone/anything you don’t want to feed the devil’s juice to.


As always, enjoy this drink responsibly and frequently. My weed eating desert tortoise for your time.