Illustration for article titled BEHOLD!

I come to you from the year 2000! In this wondrous year an EJ Civic coupe shall be the conveyance of choice for the young, virile suburban male!

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Gaze upon its amazing body kit and 17 inch Enkei Shogun wheels! See its low profile racing wing and “Altezza” tail lights and try to hold back your envy.

I beg you to hold back your women, lest they be overcome with wanton lust! The raspy flat drone from this marvelous automobile’s exhaust can reduce a virtuous wife to a rabid, lascivious trollop!

Be not afraid of the eruptions of sound from its trunk, for those are the calls of Limp Bizkit thundering from this Civic’s Sony XPlod system! The 12” subwoofers declare the assertion — nay, the FACT — that he indeed did it all for the nookie!

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