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Blueberry Toast Crunch: the Oppositelock review

I’ve been seeing a lot of offensive new cereals lately. So I thought instead of being a grouchy old man, I’d start pissing away $2.98 a week to provide High Quality Content™. So let’s begin.

This is General Mills slapping the iconic “toast crunch” suffix on something else, much like FCA taking a Fiat and calling it a Jeep Renegade. But does it live up to the hype?

First off, not unlike Cinnamon Toast Crunch, all the little blueberry bits are basically sprinkled right on there. They fall off when you touch them, float in milk, which results in blueberry-flavored milk. More on that later. They are shaped like French Toast Crunch, but poofier. 


But the texture is like neither of its two predecessors, which is an exteme disappointment. They absorb milk quickly, and can be eaten almost immediately. The consistency is similar to a much softer Crunch Berry. Dare I even say Kix?


And that’s the the big thing: these just taste like a soft, watered-down Cap’n Crunch “Just Berries.” The first bite *seemed* like it was blueberry flavored, but it quickly devolved into “generic sugar bomb” status. It’s not unique enough to be addicting, and the texture isn’t satisfying enough to pour a second bowl. The resulting milk is virtually indecernable from, say, Froot Loops milk. Or perhaps more accurate: Trix milk.


I think kids will like it, because kids will eat any bad cereal if it still has a shitton of added sugar. If you ate these blindfolded, I’m not betting you would ever guess what it was you were eating. This isn’t even a contender among the “tastes kind of like blueberry” class of cereals.

Not only never buy this again, I’m not even sure I will eat another bowl out of this box. 


Thanks for reading.

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