BMW Drops Entire Line, Builds Cars for Enthusiasts Only

After the incessant cries from enthusiasts that BMW has lost its way, they announced today that they would be dropping their entire lineup of cars in favor of what was available in 1986. BMW CEO Norbert Reithofer had this to say:

We can't have enthusiasts not buying our cars 10 years from now on the used car market. We just can't afford to lose that demographic. We're selling more cars than ever, yet enthusiasts constantly say we're on a crash course to disaster. That's why I'm proud to announce we're dropping our entire lineup of cars in favor for what was available in 1986.

Illustration for article titled BMW Drops Entire Line, Builds Cars for Enthusiasts Only

This is what we can expect from BMW in the coming months. It is predicted that marketing costs will be down up to 75%, as all material will be simply recycled. There will be just a 3, 5, 6, and 7 series. Here are some comments from enthusiasts upon this announcement:

They didn't do anything right. They're seriously charging more than $3500 for an E30? Good luck BMW

I'd really like to buy one used in 25 years

They come with A/C? BMW has lost their way. It's a DRIVER'S car, now it's just like driving a Corolla


There is still no word on how BMW plans on skirting safety testing, but it has been rumored that safety will be passed on the premise of safety being for pussies who can't drive. Sales are projected to break the 18 mark by the end of the financial quarter.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter