BMW M2 and Cayman GT4: Secrets Revealed!!

These cars are great, and I get it, but they’re really for assholes. One will park wherever they feel like, and turn in any direction, whenever they please. The other is too expensive, not really that fast, you can’t afford it, not really that fast, you can’t afford it, not really that fast, and you can’t afford it.

(Full disclosure: I have owned both a 135i and 981-S, not exactly the same, but I get it.)

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Seeing the automotive sports car landscape and realizing every time I look out the window, that yes, this is still America, I begin to wonder why these cars get so much attention when what is offered to us from our home turf is so much more capable, cool and downright explosive.

Lets compare these cute German coupé to what America has to offer for the same price. The BMW M2 is stated to be offered here at $51,000. Great but not true to market. The baby M will most likely, after adding all the options standard on a Hyundai Sonata, be around $65,000, plus mark-up. Yes, mark-up. These will have a $5,000 premium from the dealer and I don’t care what you think, it will be there. So for $70,000 you get 370 horsepower and a dull inline 6 that you can only hear through your dashboard radio.

For that price in AMERICA, the place you were born in, now reside in, and use a toilet in, we have two 500+ V8 LOUD horsepower contenders:

THIS!

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AND THAT:

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The Motor Trend 2014 Driver’s Car of the Year (Sorry GT4, a hefty Merc kicked your ass this year.):

As for the Cayman GT4, these, no matter how you spec them on the Porsche website, cost $120,000!!! because the dealers know there is a rich dentist that wants to have a fuck me yellow Porsche with a wing, and he doesn’t really care about the fact that it’s not a 911. I understand the desire for this particular P-car, but come on, seriously!?! It isn’t even close. The ONLY car you should be considering as a track car at that price is a Viper ACR. Hands down it will kick and lick the GT4 into submission and have it screaming in the corner of the day care center at VIR pleading to it’s German scheisse mama to come pick it up and put it’s dick and balls back on.

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AND, C’MON, I MEAN LOOK AT THIS THING!!!!

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So, as all these fanboys comment below about purity, blah, blah, and they listen to their dead inline-6’s with numb steering wheels saying, “No, really it’s close to hydraulic steering, they got it right.” (The GT4 engine does sound great BTW, but it sounded better in the 911 it came from, the 911 with a real 2nd gear.)

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If you live in America and you buy one of those German overpriced scheisse cakes, please leave, your citizenship has been revoked.

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