Illustration for article titled Breaking News

In a move that really shouldn’t surprise anyone, part time CEO and full time super villain Elon Musk, announced a hostile takeover of GM. In a press release his media minion cited UAW strikes as an example of power struggles in management and the need to acquire increased production line facilities. In an unprecedented move however Tesla will not be purchasing GM, instead opting to hold the worlds entire oil supply hostage in order to ensure cooperation and increase Tesla sales. When President Trump expressed his disapproval Mr. Musk initiated a space launched drone strike on Saudi oil facilities in order to garner the proper respect for his position as world overlord.


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